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Name: c-ko d.
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Member Since: 6/7/2002

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Thursday, February 21, 2013

I'm feeling hurt because you never seemed to understand that my second highest love language is words of affirmation. i feel like i never get that from you during the times when i need it the most.

why does this always happen? why do i feel like you never really truly understand me when i'm feeling at my most vulnerable? ...or rather, why are you never able to empathize/sympathize anything i have to say?

like

you don't understand

when i am feeling something, that feeling can be so overbearingly strong that it becomes all of my existence at that given moment

if i feel like it's the end of my world and i want to die, that will be all that i am and all that i am feeling at that moment

and it turns into a physical thing

where my hands are shaking and my heart starts racing

and you don't understand this

or rather, you don't understand this in the way that i need you to

understanding it in the form of empathy or sympathy

because if you did, you would never let yourself yell or scold me or blow up

and even if you did, you would be quick to apologize sincerely without any spite to follow ("i'm sorry but...")

... that's what i'd like to believe anyway.

my problem lately is that you get mad any time i become upset about anything... literally anything. like "what the heck did i do now?!" ...

and i largely feel like you don't actually care even though i'm hurting. you just want to get this all over with.

and it's moments like these where i really start to fear if we're really okay for each other. if we're just in over our heads to stay like this together.

you have no idea how much this kills me. because i don't be sleeping for another 6 hours probably and this is just going to keep with me until i find some kind of peace with you. and i'm starting to doubt that i can find any peace in you. just a lot of misinformation, miscommunication, and a lack of desire in wanting to comprehend things vs wanting argue things.

why... can't you just let me say my piece without getting angry at me? why do you automatically feel like what i have to say is just bullshit? why is this becoming more and more hurtful than before?

i'm really starting to doubt us.


Thursday, January 31, 2013

wow... what.

it has been three ass years.

and i am a ..completely different person.


Monday, December 06, 2010

Oh, Xanga...!

TUMBLR HAS BEEN DOWN FOR TWO DAYS NOW!! I am so worried.. ;__;

 

...Haha, I feel like this is the equivalence of me turning to an ex because of an AWOL significant other. XD /lame


But yeah, no, really. I never thought of WHY i liked tumblr so much until now. What makes it so addictive?

I've thought up of a couple of things -- I miss my followers, I miss the people I follow and their blog entries, I miss seeing what my friends and lambs would blog about, I miss the random nonsense that would appear on my dash (dem memez~)... but, no, i really do miss the people i follow. I tried to find some of them on deviantART, on Facebook, anywhere else, just to tell them that I miss them. Another thing I miss (specifically on GressenhellerUniversity.tumblr) is... well, posting up LAYTON ART (and Layton everything else)!! ...And hoping to whatever that my posts will go up in the number of "likes" and "reblogs".. which i depend solely on my followers for. XD Because I feel like... If i post up someone's art work (while giving the original artist the credit they deserve), I'm also somehow spreading their works to a bigger audience. Like, a LOT of people like Wredwrat's or Reka's Layton art... even a few particular artists on Pixiv whose names escape me (or because I can't freakin' read Kanji) have a sort of popularity they may be unaware of because their artwork is just really REALLY ridiculously good. And most often than not, their styles in art are consistent and there are some people that go, "Wow, that's amazing fanart.. the style is definitely the same as this/that artist that I like," or whatever. So ... I feel like, the more I spread their wonderful works around, the more "fame" and appreciation they get.

I mean, yeah, there are HUUUGE cons to that -- like the chance of art theft and what not (which is something i would NEVER condone).. and i'm not sure that having good intentions is enough to excuse that part. But at the same time ... isn't fan art also a huge contributing factor to their respective fandoms? Isn't SHARING fanart the artist's goal? ..Haha, I don't know, is this making sense? :'D

Another thing I miss (again, specifically on Gressenheller) is REBLOGGING!! I LOOOOOVE reblogging. In fact, according to Tumblr Cloud, a little more than half of my blogs are reblogs. In fact, I blogged about loving to reblog once.. X'D I talked about how ... I like reblogging quality Layton posts that don't seen to have any notes (reblogs/likes) to it. Because when I reblog it and if by chance the post explodes in number of likes/reblogs, then I feel like ... I not only did i help spread around something great, but I also feel like I'm promoting the original blogger of said post. I really do feel like it's like "spreading the love". In NO WAY do I mean to make myself feel better about myself or to boast that it was ME ME MEE who made the post rise to its burst of popularity.

But mostly, I just like ... seeing people's reactions to w/e i decide to post/reblog. Mostly on Gressenheller but really on EITHER of my blogs. Whether is a "Wow..!" or a "THIS!!" or "HAHAHAASFKJH" or "wholey shit! *Q*;" or even a "... w-what" ... or anything! I think I just like any sort of feedback as long as it's... appropriate, I guess is the word. I feel like I'm giving them something.. or w/e. :'B

 

... I also like that Tumblr concept of "micro-blogging".

 

 

 

Haha, Sorry Xanga. I feel a little bad talking about how much I like Tumblr and why whilst blogging to you.

Just know that you'll always have a special place in my heart... :')

.
.
.


Sunday, October 31, 2010

oh my god xanga.

i've missed you. aaughh, i miss the good ol' days.

tumblr is cool and all and i'm pretty addicted to it but there'll always be a special place for xanga in my heart... oh, xanga..! ;_;

 

sigh. so how've you been?


Thursday, April 08, 2010

am i

so stoic as the
bark of a tree
in the winter,
gray and worn?

yet i would
like
to think of
myself
much more
sane
than such.

even as the seasons change
my snow refuses migration to appropriate temperatures

what would happen when the tides do not obey
the moon?

an abstraction of the mind.
when it comes to pass, only laughter follows.

i know it.



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